Its not you. It's me.

WOULD LIKE TO POINT OUT THIS IS A GUYS PERSPECTIVE.

Diary entry: 20/10/10

'Childhood sweethearts.' Thats what everyone called us back at Sixth Form. We were the 'Childhood sweethearts.' I remember what it felt like to be associated with that forgotten label.
In our younger years, holding her hand made my day. However kissing her was such a big step. Completely out of the question. Unheard of even. We would share our pack lunch's in the noisy refectory. Occasionally Indulge in kiss chase in the playground. She was the only girl I intended to kiss, despite the fact she used to chase Charlie Smith, but I knew She would come back to me. We used to play in the field by your house. Fighting, laughing, quite literally rolling in the mud. She never cared about her hair, or make up. I guess her vanity grew as well as her age.

Anyway, childhood sweethearts eh? We were inseparable at Sixth Form. I would be there before class, after class, even during class if I was lucky enough. We kept the tradition of sharing our lunch. But I remember the day you decided to sit with your friends, and I remember her punching my stomach with the casual line 'It's just for today, I promise.' She was so unaware. So naïve to the enormity of her actions. We were still childhood sweethearts in the eyes of our peers. We still walked the halls hand in hand, would go to the field at any given opportunity, were constantly smiling and laughing in each others company. Not one day did I spend without her by my side. The lads would scoff, make faces and call me a 'wetty.' I was a wetty; a wetty in love. The thing is i'm still in love. It's not a joyous love. it's dark, lonely and unrequited.

The final year of Sixth Form was the hardest. Knowing that the dreaded 'University' chat was just around the corner. People kept saying 'distance makes the heart grow fonder.' If my heart was to be any fonder of her beautiful face, it would explode. The prospect of university tearing us apart was tearing me apart. She kept me sane. Reassuring me that everything would stay the same, regardless of distance. After what felt like a life time together, I could tell when she was lying. The doubt took her once beautiful eyes and made them hollow. Although I stayed strong through out the year. Not only for me but for her also. I didn't want to see her upset, but fuck me man, why was everything changing around me? So the year carried on. The intensity and hype about University increased, consequently making me feel worse. However she was still being an angel. Saying the right things she knew I wanted to hear. Things that should have been making me feel better. They weren't. The most important, influential exams came around far too quickly. Then summer came and the realisation was sickening. Our last summer together before the infamous relationship killer university creeped up. As expected, she got into Birmingham and I got into falmouth. Could they be any further? To add to my fear, her frequent reassurances had become a rarity. This couldn't be over.

The summer flew by. I saw less of her. Our obsessive daily texting decreased to a mere 'hi. You okay?' and here I am. The date is the 20/10/10. Today I had my heart trampled on. Today I heard her say 'It's not you. It's me.'