The Painful Truth

Those who know me well. I mean really well. Those few people who have the ability to see into your soul; they have always told me I 'look through the world with rose tinted spectacles.' I never understood what this meant, until recently, but they were right. My mum sat me down before I flew the nest and said 'Freya, you have to stop looking at the world through rose tinted spectacle,' that phrase was really beginning to grate after 18 years, 'or else your going to get hurt.' I looked at her and laughed pushing pause on the broken record that had been on repeat for the majority of my life. My rose tinted glasses were still intact but I was happy with that. I lived in my bubble. I liked my bubble. However my mum was right; It hurts so much now my bubble has been burst with reality and tainted with the bitter unpredictable pin of life.

I never saw see why being naïve and looking at the world in a false light is so bad. In my opinion everything is easier when you pretend its going to be okay. Even if you know your kidding yourself, ignorance is bliss right? From a young age those rose tinted glasses made those around me feel obliged to look after me, like I was an innocent, delicate flower which required protection. To be honest, I knew they went out their way to protect me, and I didn't stop them. If anything it just laid down the bedding in my imaginary bubble making it more comfortable. Their incessant pestering was the cloth that wiped my rose tinted spectacles clean when they were dirty. These invisible glasses kept me satisfied for long enough. Up until 3 days ago they were letting me believe everything was going perfectly, but its not the present which scares me. Im living it. Im here now and I like to believe that I can control whats happening around me. It's the future which unsettles me. A big ,dark circle of the unknown in which you lose all control, or even knowledge of whats going to happen. This looming cloud over my head, what we like to call he future, is the beast that trod on my rose tinted spectacles and gave me clear vision. I use the word clear loosely as what was unveiled to me felt like a grey, bleak smog.

My perfect bubble consisted of great friends at university, amazing friends and family supporting me.Yet, regrettably the most solid foundation of all was a boy. But he wasn't just a boy. He knew every inch of me. He could read me like a book. Pardon me for sounding corny but he was everything. The moment he turned around and casually broke my heart with the words 'im going away for two years.' was that precise moment I removed my rose tinted spectacles that had masked my perspective on life. In turn, making what was once beautiful, an ugly truth. It was this moment I envisioned my mum's face, like those floating heads you see in movies, and she recited the words 'Freya, you have to stop looking at the world through rose tinted spectacles or else your going to get hurt.' It wasn't so much the fact he was leaving. It's the life changing realisation that, without those rose tinted spectacles, my mum was right. As always.

The truth is life, as much as I wanted to believe, life is not something we can plan or adjust to suit us. Its not a puppet show and I don't have the strings. It took me eighteen long years to realise these. The past eighteen years allowed me to look at everything how I wanted to and I gave my opinion ignoring those around me. Taking their loving and caring advice and corrupting their good intentions because it's not what I wanted to hear. It was a selfish way to live. I should hate him for what he did, and I did for a while, but underneath my resentment I became grateful. It was a painful lesson and it took too long for me to learn how things are but if I could I would thank him. I would thank him for giving me the pain, heartache and life lesson which is what I needed.

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